i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
