five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize