Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
