just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize