I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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