Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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