she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
