I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
