you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
