He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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