Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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