Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ttyl tear gas
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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