Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
