alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
