the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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