If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
