Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
