you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
