ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
