I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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