dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
sex in a hospital.. check
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize