Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
