it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
