I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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