Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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