the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
