exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
