Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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