so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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