Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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