It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
