Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
