Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
