We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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