She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
