dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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