Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
