At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
