He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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