Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
