I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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