i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
