I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
