Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
