Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
