I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
