She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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