this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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