He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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