I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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