I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
