I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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