capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
