my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
