I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
