You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
