I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize