I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
