You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize