i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
