i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
