It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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