went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
