I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
