Only a mothe r could love this liver
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to sanitize my soul.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
