Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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