i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
