hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
