there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
