I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
