ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
