No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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